Here Am I, Send Me

Before me, lies an anonymous letter. From its contents I gather that the writer doesn’t feel at home in this world any more. But he doesn’t dare to call himself a citizen of Zion either (Ps. 87). He lives in a condition of uncertainty, in straitened circumstances.

I hope that you experience this as an untenable position. For there are many people who seem to feel themselves very comfortable in such a situation, yes, for many years. That’s unhealthy. Pray for a breakthrough.

The writer knows that he is unconverted, but still he thinks quite seriously that he has a delight and desire to the wonderful office of the ministry of the Word. His question is: “Is this possible, and if so, how can it be?”

I understand that an unconverted person can have a certain delight in searching God’s Word and a desire to transmit or to convey his knowledge to other people. Such a person can visualize himself as being in the pulpit, fervently addressing a large audience — just as one who has a great interest in history, and doesn’t want to do anything else other than to train his students by means of transmitting his knowledge. It can also be that one wants to be a minister by way of ambition only, to satisfy his personal ego. But the real calling for the ministry proceeds from love for God and for our fellowmen. Otherwise God’s honor and the welfare of fellow-travelers to eternity will never be bound upon his heart. Now we know that this kind of love is absent in the unconverted. Such cannot have a true desire for the ministry.

First, pray to God that His work may “break through.”

But wait a moment now—I do not consider this question entirely answered as yet. What do you really mean by writing: “I am still unconverted”? There can be an enormous difference between two persons who say that they are unconverted. Sometimes while visiting people we meet the cold, unfeeling, indifferent response that we ought not expect anything from them because “I am unconverted.” With this tragic confession they sometimes even want to excuse themselves. However, as soon as the Lord begins His soul-saving work in a person, such an one experiences his unconverted state before God. No one in the whole world prays more often and more sincerely for conversion than those who are already converted!

Even God’s more advanced, established people pray this often, for they feel themselves to be so “unconverted.” Think of Paul in Romans 7. To experience that we are unconverted means to experience that we miss God’s favor and communion. There is a longing after God, but He is so far away. They know that the only cause of this is their own sins. Their prayer is: “Teach me, O God of salvation, to spend my life in Thy service”! They have a desire to draw other people with them. In such a type of “unconverted” person there can be a desire for the ministry. I hope that many may experience that in this way.

Second, pray for a clear calling for the office.

“Is there anything else?” you may ask. Yes, there are two things to consider: First, pray to God that His work may “break through.” This comprehends that you will come to know yourself more and more as a hopeless case. In that person the Lord Jesus will be revealed and applied, and he will receive the stability of being a child of God. Second, pray for a clear calling for the office. Willing as you might be to share your received grace with other people, it is a fact that every child of God, whether male or female, at some time has a desire to preach. Of course not all of them receive the calling for the ministry, but you may ask and pray for it. “This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he de-sireth a good work” (1 Timothy 3:1).

I. DenDekker serves as elder of the Gereformeerde Gemeente (Netherlands Reformed Congregation) of Scherpenzeel, the Netherlands. This article was translated from the question box in “Daniel.”

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