Office-Bearers Ask…(1)

Q. J. have long been deeply troubled with a personal burden. From passages in 1 Timothy 3 (see verses 4, 5, 12), it appears that officebearers must be able to rule their own houses well. As an office-bearer, I grievously feel my shortcomings. Several of my children are obedient and reverent, but I do meet with much opposition in the home as I seek to carry the heavy burden of office-bearing. I try to do my utmost in the home to provide God-fearing leadership, but it seems that rebellion still persists in some of my family. I love the service of God’s house and feel called to this work, but am burdened that family behavior may be sufficient cause to lay down my office. Presently, this unruly behavior appears to be breaking out more into the open. A fellow church-member has suggested that I ought to lay down my office, which has significantly added to my fears. Which of the following do you suggest: (1) Should I lay down my office immediately? (2) Should I complete my term and then lay down my office? (3) Should I continue to lay these matters before the Lord and seek in all my weakness and with my burdens to continue to serve if the consistory and congregation vote in this way? Please advise.

A. Dear brother, my heart goes out to you. No one is grieved over your circumstances more than you are. No one wishes more than you that things were different in your home environment. May God graciously support you and grant that your sufferings may bring you closer to Him, thereby enhancing, rather than detracting from, your office-bearing in the midst of your congregation.

It seems to me that you are overlooking several important truths as you wrestle with your profound concerns. These include the following:

First, the qualifications for officebearers in 1 Timothy 3 are general rules and guidelines written by Paul as to what must be sought for in selecting men to serve in the house of God. Paul certainly did not intend to emphasize that every one ot these qualifications is an absolute essential. Which office-bearer would dare to claim that he possessed all these qualities?

Certain qualities in 1 Timothy 3 are obvious musts. For example, in Paul’s day, polygamy (having more that one wife at one time) was still a real problem. Hence he tells Timothy emphatically that a bishop may never be a polygamist (i.e., he must be “the husband of one wife,” v. 2). But did Paul really mean to say that a person who wasn’t prone to much hospitality (v. 2b), for example, is therefore automatically disqualified from ever serving in the office of bishop? I think not. A slight lack in this regard may serve as a hindrance, but not as a disclaimer for the office itself. Again, Moses was not exempted from office because he was “slow to speak,” nor did Peter’s denial of Christ cancel him from the apostleship though Scripture says a bishop must be “blameless.”

Secondly, don’t forget that general rules are intended to be just that — general rules. Parents often forget this. For example, they read the Proverbs of Solomon, which consists largely of general maxims, and become deeply distressed when reading such texts as, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (22:6). It is possible that they condemn themselves more than the Lord would have them do, not recognizing that this general rule was never intended to apply to every particular child in every particular situation.

Psychologists have long told us, and rightly so, that a child is formed largely by nature (his/her personal generic qualities) and nurture (his/her maturation in a particular environment). Due to differences largely in natures and personalities, children of the same family who were trained similarly may turn out very differently. Moreover, peer pressure and influences from outside your home (and beyond your control) may have had and/or are having profound impact on your children. Is this not the case also with you as implied in your question?

My dear brother, I would advise you against lashing yourself mercilessly. True, you have not been the perfect parent. But the Lord knows your human frailty. He remembers you are but dust. Were you not grieved over the rebellious atmosphere in which you live, or had you not shown by godly example, loving discipline, and repeated prayer your desire to dispel-this rebellion, you might have some serious soul-searching to do with regard to the concerns you have outlined above. But if you can say with a clear conscience that you have agonized to bring up your children in the ways and fear of God, and some of them have refused to follow your guidance, you are by no means disqualified in God’s eyes from serving in His house.

Moreover, no doubt the congregation you serve is more aware of the burden you carry than you realize. Not only are many probably remembering you in prayer, but I would also hazard a guess that some have come to you for wisdom in how to handle their own children. And why? Because they know that you too have waded through deep waters in this regard, and that you will have an understanding and compassionate heart. Who knows but that the Lord has brought you through deep ways so that you in turn may the more effectively minister to others in need?

sin in others would take precedence over God’s sacred call to office-bearing.

All of this, thirdly, outlines the insensitivity and ignorance of your fellow church-member who suggested your resigning. This church member is obviously ill-informed of the most basic, foundational principle of all of church order, namely, the innocent may never suffer in any way—either by dismissal from office or restriction in office. Were this not true, the majority of office-bearers would have had to resign their office at one point or another for unruly behavior in a family member(s). The net result would be that sin in others would take precedence over God’s sacred call to office-bearing. Such would be next to blasphemy, for sin and Satan would gain the victory with the church’s stamp of approval.

Finally, bearing these things in mind, let me address the three options you have listed above in the conclusion of your question:

Option #1 certainly has no possibility. For the present two year period you are under God’s call much as a servant of God is for life. What would you think of a minster who set down his life-calling because of insurmountable obstacles? No matter how great your obstacles and trials, you may never set down your office when you have vowed in the presence of God Almighty and His congregation that you would serve Him with all your heart. Oh, dear friend, trust in the Lord! He will give daily strength for daily trials (Mt. 6:34). Of course it would be the easier route for you to relinquish your office, but you would certainly reap darkness for your own soul. The Lord doesn’t call us to travel the road of convenience but the road of obedience, looking to our Master, the Author and Finisher of our faith, who trod it before us.

Concerning option #2 — the relinquishing of your office when your term is up — I personally would advise you against this as well. I would leave room in this case, however, for freedom of conscience. Particularly, for example, if you are a deacon and your congregation has a significant number of men who may ably serve in that capacity, you may feel freer to forego another term in office. Even here, however, be sure not to take this step rashly. Don’t underestimate the call of God in His providence via consistory and congregation. Do not lightly remove yourself from God’s ordained means of supplying office-bearers in His church.

I would advise you to yield to your third option. Seek grace to give yourself into God’s sovereign, strong hands. Let Ezekiel’s prayer be sufficient for you in your personal needs, “O Lord God, Thou knowest.” He knows your trials, burdens, and fears. He knows all your circumstances and has endured everything — plus infinitely more — that you shall ever be called to endure. In the strength of Him who never relinquished His threefold office (though tempted by Satan to do so), you too may stand and go forward. If the Lord deems it fitting to have the consistory and congregation providentially vote you into office again, seek grace to bow under His calling. Unless you specifically receive divine freedom not to give yourself, respond affirmatively to the Lord’s bidding by renewal.

Allow me to conclude with a short incident which transpired about 1920 in our Grand Rapids consistory room:

A brother elder with many family problems was re-elected to office, and the opportunity for lawful objections was provided. A serious-minded church member appeared at the next consistory meeting to voice objection against the elder’s installation. His objections were these: (1) This brother couldn’t control his family. (2) His children had all, without one exception, left the church. (3) Moreover, his family members had fallen into numerous, serious sins that still were not resolved; examples were cited.

Rev. Minderman turned to his elder: “Are these things true, brother?”

The elder lowered his head, and with tears in his eyes, said: “Dominie, he hasn’t told half of it.”

No one spoke for a moment. The minister asked quietly: “Dear brother, is it a matter of prayer for you?”

Tears flowed harder. His answer was short: “Night and day.”

When the minister turned to the church member who had come, and was about to speak, the church member spoke first. His message was also short. “I’m sorry I came,” he said.

The Lord did not remove this brother elder’s problems, but went on to use him abundantly in his personal brokenness in the midst of the congregation, fulfilling His own Word: “My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

Plod on, my friend. The Lord uses broken vessels. As a forefather said, “The Lord will not use a man greatly until he has broken him deeply!’

And always remember: “Whosoever believeth on Him, shall not be ashamed” (Rom. 9:33). Dear fellow office-bearer, your God knows best. Are you not at times encouraged by what He has said to Peter, “What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter” (Jn. 13:7)?

Q. As an office-bearer, I often find myself having difficulty coping with criticism. Could you offer me some guidelines of assistance?

A. Humanly speaking, criticism is never easy to accept, but there may be much to gain from it. I would divide suggested guidelines into considerations and responses as follows: Considerations

First, consider the source of the criticism. Who is criticizing you? For example, is it an unbeliever who has little respect for the truth or a well-esteemed child of God graced with much wisdom?

Second, consider the motive of the criticism. For example, is it motivated by jealousy or by your true welfare? Is it motivated by human considerations and/or ignorance or by divine concerns and/or knowledge?

A recognition of the person doing the criticizing and the motive involved will assist you tremendously in developing coping mechanisms. Instead of focussing solely on yourself as the one being criticized, ask yourself: “Why is this person responding as he is? In what way did I offend him or his background?”

Thirdly, consider the substance of the criticism. Get beyond the person and the motive, and ask: “Is it true? If so, is it 90% true or 10% true? Is it a matter worthy of my attention — worthy of the effort of being changed? If so, how may I change it to conform more with the principles of Biblical fidelity, godly teaching, and/or living example? How may I best profit and improve from this criticism?”

Responses

First, don’t respond harshly but beg for grace to remain as Christ-like as possible under the severest of criticisms.

Secondly, don’t react hastily. Postpone your response until you’ve had time for a judicious and prayerful assessment of the criticism involved.

Thirdly, don’t answer your accuser until you have first meditated upon Christ and His reaction to a whole array of shocking untruths. When you consider what He has innocently endured in contrast to what you have guiltily deserved, the vast bulk of the time your response will be drastically curtailed. Thus, consider Christ (Heb. 12:3) in the spirit of Hebrews 12.

Fourthly, in responding, first find something in the complaint you received with which you agree. If you agree with the whole complaint, by all means admit it, apologize, change, and proceed from there. If you agree with a slim portion of the complaint at best, express this agreement first as well as your appreciation for the criticizer’s concern. Then lovingly explain your feelings and understanding of the event or concern involved. Do not exaggerate, sound defensive, or overkill the issue involved. Keep an open mind. Expect and solicit a rejoinder. Carry the conversation to its natural completion.

Try to keep before you in all your thinking and responses this simple formula: If the complaint is legitimate (even a portion of it!), I will profit by adjusting myself accordingly. If it is not legitimate, I will respond kindly and Christianly, but not change where no change would be advantageous. In neither case, ought I feel personally threatened.

Finally, be forward-looking. Seek grace to be vision-oriented. You have responded to the criticism, bury it, and move on. As the late Rev. A. Vergunst commonly stated: “Keep on going!” That is, do not allow negative and hostile criticism to impede you from pursuing God-glorifying visions and goals in implementing the church’s scriptural mission.

Above all, bear in mind that the fear of God (which esteems the smiles and frowns of God to be of higher value than the smiles and frowns of persons) is most critical. It is far more important what God thinks of you than what individuals think of you. Besides, human opinions are fickle and often partial at best. The same people who charged Bartimaeus to remain quiet one moment (Mk. 10:48) were inviting him to come to Jesus the next (Mk. 10:49). The same people who cried “Hosanna” to Jesus, crucified Him five days later.

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