A Converted Jew (11)

There is one more circumstance I will mention that took place before the Lord called me by divine grace. I met with a French Jew at Dover, whom I took into partnership. We had a small carriage, and one morning we were driving to Folkestone. Coming to a very steep hill to descend, I got out and asked my partner to do the same, but he would not. He went at a rapid rate down the hill, fell out, and broke his arm. I stayed with him about a week after that, and then went to London on business, leaving him in charge of all my property. During my absence, he collected all the money he could that was owed us in the neighborhood, came to London unknown to me, sold off all our stock — carriage and all — and went off to France, leaving me almost destitute. Thus the Lord did not suffer me to enjoy this world’s goods, even when I tried with all that was in my power to do so. Indeed, I promised myself many great things, but the Lord crossed me in everything. He had something better in store for me: imperishable riches, life eternal, and a crown that fadeth not away.

When I look back, I cannot but admire the goodness of the Lord, and can truly say, “He has done all things well.” Oh, the longsuffering of God in bearing so long with my ill manners, and taking so much trouble to cause me to know what was in my heart. All to bring me to Himself! “And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep His commandments or no” (Deut. 8:2). Thus, my dear reader, I have given a brief account of my natural state.

The True Messiah

I will now give a very brief account of my new birth, my call by divine grace. Here too, my reader should not expect exact order, since I am relying solely on my memory in writing my story.

In the year 1836 I went to London to keep the Passover with a countryman of mine. He for years had kept the Passover in London and I planned on meeting him there. During my stay, I stopped at the same inn where I had heard the melancholy news of the death of my brother. As I was sitting conversing with my Jewish brethren, a gentleman came in, seated himself at the same table, and called for a cup of coffee. He proved to be a converted Jew.

He first began to talk about business, and by degrees he introduced religion and the Messiah. I heard someone say, “This is a converted Jew.” I said to the party with whom I was talking, “We will have a bit of fun with him.” I then addressed myself to him by saying, “You are one who has forsaken the religion of our forefathers, who denies the law of Moses, and believes one to be God who was condemned by our rabbis and priests and who was hanged on a tree: Jesus of Nazareth, whom you say was the son of David. Where can you prove it from our Bible?” He replied that he had not forsaken the religion of our forefathers, nor the law of Moses. He said, “I believe that the Messiah is come, and that Jesus of Nazareth is the Messiah, and I will prove it from the Word of God.”

I replied that if he could do that I would believe, but it must not be from the Christian’s Bible, but from ours. A Hebrew Bible was placed upon the table and he took another from his pocket. The principal references on which we discoursed were Genesis 49:10; Isaiah 53; Zechariah 12:10. My companion and I considered we had gained the point in argument; therefore I said that because he could not prove from the Bible that the Messiah is come, much less that He was Jesus of Nazareth, I could not believe. He then replied that if I believed not, I should die in my sins and perish. We then commenced to ridicule him, and he left.

Soon after I also left. When I was in the street, these words came to me very powerfully: “Who can tell but that this Jesus was the Messiah?” The thought made me uncomfortable, partly because I believed that the very thought itself was blasphemy. I tried with all my might to shake it off and to forget it, but the more I tried to get rid of the thought, the more firmly it stuck in my mind. The arrow of the Almighty was sent forth into my heart and there it must remain. Such thoughts followed me for some time — while awake or asleep, at home or abroad — so that I was very restless and miserable. I never had had such feelings before.

One day in my apartment, I picked up a Hebrew Bible and began to examine those portions we had debated. Finding nothing to satisfy me, I closed the book, when the words spoken by the Jew came to me: “If thou believest not, thou shalt die in thy sins and perish.” They came with such power that for a short time I knew not what to do with myself, not knowing whence they came or what they meant. The uneasiness of my mind kept increasing until I was very distressed.

I remember one evening, retiring to rest, I said my prayers as usual. I begged the Lord to remove what I considered blasphemous thoughts. But the thought again came to me: “If thou diest in thy sins, thou shalt surely perish.” I then, for the first time, went down on my knees and wept bitterly, calling upon the God of Israel to show me the cause of my misery.

Bending the knees is contrary to the Jewish custom, as is praying with the head uncovered, but I did both. Why, I could not tell. That night I could not sleep; the thoughts of dying and perishing were dreadful to me. The Jews believe in a place of reward and punishment, but they deny any knowledge of where they are going until the dissolution of soul and body. They believe that death makes atonement for all their sins. That night I tried to take comfort from this, but it afforded me none. Now I believe that atonement is made by the death of one Man who is the God-man Christ Jesus.

— ES

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