“I Am Black”

The words which we now hear are the words of Shulamite, the pardoned soul, the spiritual bride. It is her confession, a remarkable testimony of her own condition. Shulamite tells us how she looks within and without. She uses suitable parables to show us faithfully what she really is, and she also hastens to relate to us something special about the history of her innermost life.

“I am black.” It is a strange confession: the bride of the Most High is black! How true it is that all things in Jesus' kingdom are contrary to the mind and natural reason. To the mind and reason it would seem that one must first become holy, and then receive grace and pardon. But in Jesus' kingdom the order is reversed: first we are pardoned, then sanctified. Reason says: peace through a virtuous life. But God's way requires first peace with God, with a clean life following as a fruit; not peace as a fruit of purity. Natural wisdom considers that man first becomes righteous, then begins to participate in God's kingdom. But God's wisdom presents His kingdom to sinners, and counts righteousness among those qualities of which man partakes within, but not outside of, His kingdom.

The mind cannot comprehend anything other than that God's children are entirely pure and perfect. Yet in our text we see a child of God, a soul who has surrendered herself to God's keeping, who declares straightforwardly and unconditionally, “I am black, O ye daughters of Jerusalem,” black within and without! What makes thee black, 0 thou bride beyond compare? “The sun has looked upon me.” The sun? What sun? Surely it cannot be the Sun of righteousness with healing in His wings, and who is the source of all blessedness? Yes, it is exactly that Sun! Shulamite has become black because this Sun and His rays have shined upon her.

From whence does this righteous dove fly in this our text? Does she come from the world where her feathers have become defiled? Has she been in paths of sin or among the flames of temptation? Certainly not. She comes straight from the chamber of the Bridegroom. There she rejoiced in Him and refreshed herself with the wine of His grace. It is when she leaves this holy place that she notices that she is black. She is black from the rays of the sun in whose light she has been lying, for Christ her King is the Sun.

By nature we are all black. The color of our heart, of our being, and of our life is black. But how do we know this? Our blackness and sinfulness are hidden from us until the everlasting Sun draws us into His sphere of light. Then in the radiant presence of our glorious Lord, we notice our darkness. In the light of His Spirit we can look into the dark depths of our nature. Then we say, “I am black, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, for the sun has looked upon me.”

What happened to Isaiah when he was suddenly lifted up in the presence of the sun and he saw “the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up”? He was immediately burned so black, and found himself to be so undone and unclean, that he trembled before God and cried, “Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean Ups” (Isaiah 6). What happened to Simon Peter when he realized that He who had come down from on high was with him in the ship? He fell down as if stricken by lightning and cried, “Depart from me; for I am a sinful man” (Luke 5). In other words, “I am black, for the sun has looked upon me.” What was the feeling of Zacchaeus as soon as Jesus looked upon him in the sycamore tree? Zacchaeus felt he was a sinner and became black in his own eyes, and he began to confess, “If I have taken anything from any man by false accusation, I restore him fourfold” (Luke 19). This happens whenever the Lord comes nigh unto us.

The first effect of His presence is that we see our supposed radiance disappear like a mist, and we see the blackness of our being. The sun looks upon us and we become black. When God parts the heavens and graciously descends to draw nigh to a child of man to make a covenant with him, the first thing that happens is that child becomes black and knows his wretchedness. If there be one who knows nothing of the burning of this sun, then he has never been in its proximity, and he is yet on the outside. The preparations for his betrothal have not been completed.

The bride says, “I am black.” What is her condition? Is she in the condition of her first repentance, like a sinner who has just been awakened? Certainly not. For she says she has been in mysterious union with her Lord, in the state of grace, in the chamber of the Bridegroom, and is pardoned and a partaker of the kingdom. But she is still black? Yes, though it may seem strange to many. However, this is not strange to those who are planted in the same soil as the bride, and who have been led to the same way of salvation as she. Each one of them knows that one cannot live near the great Sun of grace and in His brightness without noticing new dark spots in himself daily, without noticing that one becomes blacker in Christ's presence. Every day he realizes the natural state of his soul to be poorer.

There are those who very easily and quickly become such that they can rejoice in the progress of their sanctification. We doubt that they have walked long enough in Jacob's light or in the Lord's presence. The whole nature of the matter and the experience of the saints testify that the more friendly we become with the Lord and the closer to Him we walk, the more clearly we can see into the depths of our corruption. Every new glance at Immanuel's glory becomes a torch which reveals our depravity more clearly. Each time we renew our gaze upon the purity of His being and His will, we are brought to a clearer knowledge of our defilement. Every new benefit of His grace becomes a new coal of fire upon our head, and makes our worthlessness more noticeable and real. Every new testimony of His love which we receive reproaches us for the emptiness of our love, for our unbelief and our coldness of heart.

As we stand before His face, we notice new spots and blemishes in ourselves daily, spots we had not previously noted. Daily we find new reasons to humble ourselves at His feet, and to thank Him from the bottom of our hearts that our wedding garments are ready and were woven for us long ago, and that the blood and righteousness of Christ are strong enough to protect us before God's table of judgment. Yes, if you first abide and live in Christ and in communion with Him, you also will find that you will come to confess with Shulamite, “I am black, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, for the sun has looked upon me.”

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