Understanding Each Other (5)

That woman

She gave me the idea. I have eaten of the tree, but she was the bad example. That’s how Adam felt; he was convinced that it was his wife’s fault that they had sinned against God. Adam thought that he could avoid his responsibility by shifting the blame upon Eve, but it was not that easy.

Adam is head

When God sought Adam and Eve after they had hidden themselves, He directed Himself first to Adam. God’s voice sounded, “Adam, where art thou?” Adam was spoken to first, not Eve. Adam was not only the representative of all mankind—a covenant head—but also the head of the woman, the first one to be held accountable. As her husband he was the head, even before the Fall of man. Adam should have refused to eat of the forbidden fruit, but alas, he allowed himself to be deceived. He should have been wiser and stronger by not following Eve so thoughtlessly. Therefore, although he tried to shift the blame to his wife, God held him responsible.

Men have the final responsibility in the family and must prayerfully think through every decision (with their wives). Before they follow the advice of their wives, they must know whether it is good advice.

Eve’s influence

What about Eve then? Eve also had a responsibility. Satan was crafty and had approached her first. He knew that women can accomplish much with their husbands. Men trust their wives, and when they must make a decision, they want to have the support of their loved ones. There are not many people who have as much influence on spouses as wives do. That is good because men often are not as discerning. Wives should, however, fully understand what they advise because sometimes their husbands listen unconcernedly. Churches and families are torn apart because men listen thoughtlessly to their wives. Although Adam could not rightly blame Eve, Eve was also responsible.

Continual conflict

Adam laid the blame on Eve. That was the first conflict that we read of in the Bible between husband and wife. Misery began immediately after the Fall of man. The first married couple no longer understood each other, and already at that time there was confusion about who was the head of the family. Unfortunately, this situation is often seen today. Already during the time of dating, there can be discord, and sometimes there is quarreling. It is one of the sad consequences of the Fall. Two people who love each other very much can misunderstand each other completely and be on two different wavelengths. The one blames the other, claiming that he or she does not understand and is totally wrong. Naturally, it is especially the other person who is wrong. Fittle attention is given to the fact that I also may be wrong.

It is true that although a man and a woman are created after God’s image, they are totally different, and that doesn’t help in the relationship. Before the Fall the fact that Adam and Eve were so completely dissimilar was not a problem, for they complemented each other. Today, the differences in men’s and women’s emotional lives, ways of thinking, and behavior sometimes cause irritation. We have need for much humility and God’s help to keep our marriage pure.

Confession of guilt

hike most people, Adam had difficulty confessing his guilt. His pride stood in the way. What grace it is to be able to confess our sins to each other, and how much greater is the grace if we wholeheartedly confess to God that no good thing dwells in us. Whoever learns that becomes a different person and does not always try to defend himself. That is for the good of a marriage.

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual prayer of a righteous man availeth much” (James 5:16).

— Rev. R Van Ruitenburg
Chilliwack, BC

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