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A Short Autobiography of the Life and the Wonderful Dealings of the Lord with Bastiaan Broere (2)

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A Short Autobiography of the Life and the Wonderful Dealings of the Lord with Bastiaan Broere (2)

10 minuten leestijd Arcering uitzetten

Taken from Bastiaan Broere’s autobiography

Up until this time, I had gone on my way completely alone, but now I felt a hearty desire and affection towards God’s people awakening in me, and I felt myself drawn to them with a wonderful power. I saw in them an extraordinary excellence so that in my estimation they were more valuable than anything else created. Therefore, I could not forego, although it was cautiously, joining myself to them and following them as they traveled to neighboring villages to hear Rev. Budding, Rev. van der Meulen, Rev. Klein, and other ministers. I lacked the freedom to speak to them of my soul’s condition, especially since I felt that because of my lack of knowledge of the Holy Scriptures, I was unable to reconcile my experiences and discoveries with God’s Word.

In this manner, left over to myself and without any guidance from friends and teachers, a new storm soon broke over me. With the terrible accusation that I had sinned against the Holy Ghost, the devil fell upon me with the pronouncement that I could never expect forgiveness according to Jesus’ own words. Previously, when fighting against unbelief, I had turned to prayer, but now I allowed myself to be robbed of that activity by Satan so that I was totally dismayed and unable to And any rest or peace. The internal anguish was so great that my entire body shook, and it was as if an evil spirit truly assaulted me to destroy me. Although I steadfastly fought his desire to rob me of my life, my efforts were of no avail, but the Lord protected me. During this time of anxiety, the words of Psalm 27 came to mind (Psalter 73:5) “My heart had failed in fear and woe, unless in God I had believed...” Those words gave me new courage to withstand the evil one so that he departed from me again. How many tears I shed and how many sighs I sent up during this strife, the Lord only knows, but it all had to work together for my good.


...I had such a desire to learn how to read that Word. Evening upon evening, I sat looking at those letters, praying and sighing that I might understand them...


Thus far, as I have previously noted, I was unacquainted with God’s Word, that is to say, I could not read. As a child, I had heard much reading out of God’s Word, and I had heard many sermons preached. Since I always had a deep respect for God’s Word and was a good listener, there were many texts which had made a deep impression upon me, which were bound upon my heart, and which the Lord used in leading me upon my way thus far. I needed more so that I could say with David, “Order my steps in Thy Word” (Psalm 119:133a). I should have been able to search that Word myself. When I again received some relief, the thought arose in my mind whether or not I had really committed the sin against the Holy Spirit. How could I receive some certainty regarding this? I dared not consult others, and I was not able to read the Bible; if only I were really so blessed. What should I do?

Finally, I came to the decision to secretly obtain a Bible from my mother, for because of a false shame I dared not ask for one. I thought that once I had learned to read, I could go on my way unnoticed, and I would be in a position to examine myself. I did as I had proposed; I brought my Bible on board the ship and began immediately that same evening to learn to try to read or rather to look at the letters. Oh, how greatly had I been mistaken, for I simply had not given any thought as to how I would learn to read. I did, as far as I can remember, go to school for two winters where I learned several letters which had been written on a board. However, my Bible was written using the old German print, and I was completely ignorant of this print, but I did not lose courage, for I had such a desire to learn how to read that Word. Evening upon evening, I sat looking at those letters, praying and sighing that I might understand them so that finally after much struggling and concentration, I received some understanding of reading. How that was possible I do not know, but this I do know, that I can say with the man born blind, what I did not have was given unto me. Oh, how happy I was, and how fortunate I felt in undertaking this difficult task.

With untiring zeal I now studied God’s Word and also some old writers for whom I had, and still have, a special attraction; my resolve was not without reward. I soon became aware how that enemy, who has rightly been called the liar from the beginning, had deluded me when he had accused me of having sinned against the Holy Ghost. I will never forget the relief that I then felt. It was as if a load of lead had been lifted from my shoulders; yea, I had been granted life from death. I soon received more freedom to speak with God’s people and shortly thereafter got the opportunity to be instructed out of the Heidelberg Catechism. I proceeded well in my studies so that I received the witness of being a good student. After two years of instruction, my instructor encouraged me to make confession of faith. This proposal was agreeable to me, and I seriously considered proceeding in that endeavor.

Once again, however, I was the object of the evil intentions of the devil who, I believe, could not stand the fact that I would openly confess the Lord Jesus as my Savior. In trying to hinder my confession, he cast doubt in my soul whether I was a child of God. “If you are certain of your conversion, yes, you can go ahead, but you are probably still unconverted, and then to partake of the bread of the children and further to appear at the table of the Lord without a wedding garment—how dangerous that would be for you.” With these thoughts he troubled my poor soul so that I became discouraged and said, “Well, then I will not make confession until I have the assurance that I am a child of God.”

Now again it became a praying for grace, begging day and night for light from above. It was with me on arising and when I laid myself down at night. In addition to that, the devil tried to keep me from prayer and on a certain evening filled me with so much anxiety that I was afraid to bow my knees; yet, I could not and would not go to bed without bowing my knees because of my fear of God and respect for His holiness. Brought in this manner to extremely dire straits, the words of Queen Esther came into my mind, “If I perish, I perish.” This gave my soul courage to bow my knees in prayer, but when I had barely raised my voice to God, I heard a tremendous racket on the deck of the ship so that it seemed as if the entire vessel was being broken apart. I threw my hands up in the air, and fear stilled my voice; out of the depths of my heart I sighed, “0 God, make haste, for the enemy has come to devour me.”

The Lord answered my prayer immediately; in a moment everything was quiet, and all fears and dangers vanished. Again I found relief, laid me down in peace, and enjoyed a refreshing sleep. When I awakened, I felt dissatisfied; my tender desire to know, in truth, if I were the Lord’s child was not satisfied. Several days later, when I took to my bed, I began to reminisce as was frequently my custom. While deep in thought, it appeared as though someone came to me with a wonderful message. At first I felt, no doubt because of the tiredness of my body, a passive objection, yet I entered into an unconsciousness of time and place. For my soul’s eye, however, the Lord brought me back through the entire way which He had led me thus far. In a clear and cogent manner He showed me the way and subsequently asked me if, after so many tokens of God’s seeking and protecting love, I could still doubt if He were my God? Upon this, I answered with my entire heart, “Yes, Lord, I am Thy child.”


I will never forget the relief that I then felt. It was as if a load of lead had been lifted from my shoulders; yea, I had been granted life from death.


Again, Satan withstood me as he did with Joshua the high priest (Zechariah 3) by telling me that it was only my imagination, which I had obtained through reading and hearing others speak. “Well, then,” said I, “I will not believe until the Lord gives me a token.” Truly, the Lord did give a token, “The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God” (Romans 8:16) came with such power into my soul that Satan could not say anything against it and left me alone. Thereafter, I again came to myself, joyous over that which I had experienced, and now I made a firm resolution to join myself to the congregation of the Lord.

When, however, the next day my desires and inclinations had somewhat abated, new doubts arose in my mind. Although I thought that I must ask the Lord again, I nevertheless received no answer, and the more I asked, the darker and more confusing it became for me. My zeal diminished to such an extent that a sort of indifference made mastery over me which bordered on a hardening of heart so that I am ashamed to say that I felt an enmity in my soul rising up against God. Only those who have some experience in the way of godly self knowledge know how much of a blinding and destroying power Satan can work on our souls if the Lord does not forbid it.

However, I did not remain very long in this terrible condition. The fear that I must soon die came upon me with such great power that I did not have courage to seek the necessary rest for my body, fearing that death could overcome me while I slept. Yet there was no brokenness of heart, so I was a riddle to myself since I was frequently led to serious self-examination. Thereafter, however, I understood that the Lord also wished to fulfill for me His promise, “I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not.”

A deep sorrow after God made mastery of me and ended my ice cold lack of feeling. I cast myself down before the Lord with the cry, “Lord lift me up, and I will pay Thee all which I have promised,” clearly being aware that through my unbelief I had withstood the grace and goodness of the Lord. Again, it pleased the Lord to hear me and to fill my heart with joy and gladness. At this time I did not wish to delay any longer, and within a short time after making confession of faith, I was taken on as a member of the Seceded congregation at Kruiningen where Rev. Gardener was the minister. Visibly, I enjoyed God’s approval upon this decision, in the peace that was mine and in the further enjoyment of the benefits of grace which the Lord has granted to His Church.

(To be continued)

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