Understanding Each Other (34)

Rev. P. Van Ruitenburg, Chilliwack, BC

Listening to trouble and grief

“Thou hast seen it: for Thou beholdest mischief and spite, to requite it with Thy hand: the poor committeth himself unto Thee; Thou art the helper of the fatherless” (Psalm 10:14).

A young woman complained that her mother had paid . very little attention to her when she was growing up; when she came home from school, her mother had also just come home from work so that she was very busy and there was no time to listen to the events of her day. She felt that her mother had found her childhood experiences unimportant, and this really bothered her. The meals were served on time, and the house was reasonably clean. Although they had visited their grandfather and grandmother and had gone on holidays, she missed the warmth of normal family life.

We read that the Lord takes notice of His children and knows what their feelings are. He also wants them to bring their troubles unto Him, and He will listen to them, listen as a concerned mother and father would do. God can do that. He comforts better than the most devoted mother, and He also beholds mischief and spite. I see here an example for parents to follow, that is, an example to take special notice of how children feel, to pay close attention to their moods, to see what is reflected on their faces, and to note their behavior.

Parents should show love to their children by watching for signs of unhappiness and by paying real attention to them, not just letting children figure out their problems by themselves. Even the most uncommunicative child has a need to share his feelings with someone whom he trusts completely. Alas, it happens all too often that fathers and mothers do not realize how important this is for the healthy development of their children. You could call it emotional neglect.

I want to say something about the duties of the mother. The mother is called upon to feed her children, to clothe them, and to radiate warmth. This is something which mothers want, also. Some enjoy it more when the children are small and others when they can talk with the children. Mothers who are especially loving to babies and pamper them can develop as really good mothers. Sometimes, however, they grow away from their children when a new baby arrives who is so delightfully dependent and has not developed a self-will. Growing away from your child can start at an early age. This may possibly happen when they are only two years old; then it is not easy to start bonding again when children are sixteen years old. You must try to hold them fast emotionally by being warm and showing them that you are there for them continually.

Be there

What a blessing it is to have a mother who is there constantly for the growing child and who has an open ear for the details of a teenager’s day as they are repeated at the kitchen table. How wonderful it is for children to be taken seriously, to have a sounding board, to have a mother who is not satisfied with vague answers but who keeps probing as to how they feel and shows real concern for them. They can notice her love by the way she looks at them, touches them, and tries to listen to them.

That is what the young woman had sadly missed. Mother did love her, but she often went about her work in an almost mechanical manner. Although her mother was not aware of how much her daughter had been missing, what was most distressing was that her mother had forgotten what she had been taught out of Gods Word when she was younger. The Lord is inwardly moved with people, not only moved about souls, but also moved about their needs. Fortunately, everyone is welcome to come unto Him. We and our children not only have a need for attention and comfort, however; it is even more important to be reconciled with God through the compassionate High Priest who knows all the weaknesses of His Church.

“Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him. For He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13&14).

“For we have not an High Priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities” (Hebrews 4:15a).

Teach us what we know in the letter and what we know in the Spirit.

— William Tiptaft

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