THE INWARD CONFLICT

When we take a survey of the wickedness and temptation which abound in the world, together with the propensity that there is in our evil nature to every thing that is “earthly, sensual, and devilish,” it can be little short of a miracle that can keep up from being contaminated by the pollution around and within us; especially when we consider that Satan, the great adversary of our souls, is ever lying in wait to deceive, ever going about seeking whom he may destroy. These are affecting truths, which the child of God daily learns experimentally. He need not have arguments adduced in proof of the depravity of human nature, for he feels its baneful influence; and when he confesses himself a sinner, it is not with him a circumstance of trifling import, but a matter of poignant sorrow, and the cause of much humiliation before God. It is a wounded spirit alone that can enter into the apostle’s feelings, when he exclaimed, “Oh, wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death?” He has received that principle from God which renders sin abominable and odius in the extreme; and yet, he has that old corrupt nature within, that loves, and would (but for subduing grace) be continually joining itself to forbidden objects. Hence a continual conflict within, painful in its nature, but honorable in its principle, and certain as to its event.

1. It is painful in its nature, because the child of God would serve and love God always and wholly; but he finds “a law in his members warring against the law of his mind, and, too often, bringing him into captivity to the law of sin, which is in his members.” Ah! how often is it his sorrowful exclamation, ‘‘When I would do good evil is present with me!” And what is he to do in these circumstances? Is he to rush into sin to drown reflection, to harden conscience, to obtain peace? No; he wants only “the peace of God”; and that is contrary and expressly opposite to the peace which those possess who, “dead in trespasses and sin,” are alike insensible to the terrors of Sinai, and the alluring voice of gospel invitation. Hence the very sufferings of believers, on account of their convictions of sin, if rightly considered, are evidences of their interest in all the blessings of salvation; and in this sense we may say, “Blessed are they that mourn.” If sin is our burden, there is reason to believe it will never be our damnation. It is an office of the Holy Ghost to convince of sin: and how can this be done but by the believer being made to feel that he is a sinner? I apprehend, the sensations which arise in the mind, on the knowledge or conviction of sin, are unsatisfactory evidences of our interest in Christ. The wicked and unregenerate may, at times, have great error of conscience; but it has for its origin no better a principle than fear. Hence many criminals, who have pursued a life of villany, in sight of an approaching death, and in expectation of future judgment, are apparently very penitent; but if a pardon is afforded, how quickly every appearance of amendment passes away, and the old path of wickedness is retrod, perhaps with more hasty steps than ever. The conscience of such may be compared to a bank placed across a current; an alarming providence, a sense of immediate danger raises it; and, for a time, the stream of sin is opposed, but the obstruction it meets with only increases its force, and the barrier is no sooner removed than the current rushes in like a flood. Its course has been repelled, but not changed; it has not been dried up, but increased by its temporary confinement; and that which carried destruction with it as a stream, is not less dangerous by becoming a torrent. But the sensations which arise in the mind of a believer on an experience and conviction of sin, and those of real sorrow;—not that which attracts the eye, and courts the attention of others; but that which leads its subject to secret aspirations of soul to the God, who alone can succour it under its various temptations, and enable it successfully to pass through all the conflicts and trials with which it is exercised. Love, and not terror, renders sin hateful to the regenerate soul: he has had the blessed Spirit witnessing with his spirit, again and again, that he is a subject of grace. The Saviour, in many a Bethel visit, has said to him, “Be of good cheer, thy sins, which are many, are all forgiven”; but still, feeling himself the subject of remaining depravity, and that his corruptions are striving to gain the ascendancy over his thoughts, his affections, his heart, and to rob him of his privileges of communion with the Lord, separating between his soul and God; and, as an honored servant of God once observed, taking him, as it were, by the throat, and obstructing his utterance at a throne of grace: Oh! how does he sigh for liberty! And, in the impassioned language of the Psalmist, say, “Oh that I had wings like a dove, for then would I flee away and be at rest.” I would leave for ever this hateful body of sin and death, where I am constrained to dwell with the enemies of my Lord’s glory and my own peace; and I would be continually worshipping, adoring, and loving the Lamb, with the redeemed around the throne;—but, alas! I feel so much carnality in my mind, so much deadness in the ways of God, so much sin and imperfection in my holiest duties —that the conflict within, between nature and grace, is very painful; nevertheless, it is:—

2dly. Honorable in its principle: for it is an indication of being under the tuition of God; and “none teacheth like him.” It also gives us a likeness to him, and is an evidence of our belonging to his family, all of whom, “through much tribulation enter the kingdom.” It gives us a new view of the beauties and exellencies of Scripture; the subjects of whom we find, for the most part, to have been characters who had not enjoyed a calm and settled peace, which indeed cannot be expected in the present state of things; but men of like passions, and exercised with the same trials as ourselves. And the promises of the word of God, under these circumstances, appear peculiarly delightful; because we find them directed chiefly to those who are maintaining the same combat, and travelling the same enemy’s country with ourselves: and it is moreover an evidence that we are not of the multitude who are hastening on the downward road; for though in touch is death. Sin to them is no burden—it is the only element in which they can find pleasure. Hence, they “glory in their shame;” and they never sigh over the corruptions of their nature, danger of destruction, like the silly moth, they are insensible, and sporting near the flame whose nor express ardent desires for deliverance from them. They know not what it is to mourn after an absent God, for they never experienced the joys of his presence—but the believer is alive to all these feelings; and if they afford him not present comfort, they are proofs that he is not left to perish in his sins. If the soul is alive to God, it will be either rejoicing in his presence, or mourning in his absence. A dead calm is as unfavorable to the Christian as it is to the mariner.

3dly. What should embolden and afford us consolation under the sharpest trials, to which, as Christians, we are exposed, is that this conflict is certain as to its event. Victory is already determined in the purposes of God, and his decrees must be fulfilled. Many a wave may still pass over our heads and menace us with destruction; but, at length, we are certain of obtaining the haven; many a blow we may yet have to receive from Satan; but our life cannot be destroyed, for that “is hid with Christ in God”; and he has given the promise, “Because I live, ye shall live also;”—many a cloud we may still pass by, which may enwrap us in midnight darkness: and the valley of the shadow of death lies in our way to the heavenly city, and may occasion many a trepidation to these fearful hearts of ours—but neither the waves of trouble, should they arise mountains high—the buffetings of Satan, though more severe than a Paul experienced—nor clouds of soul adversity; no, nor even death itself, “can separate us from the love of God, which is Christ Jesus our Lord.” Herein is our confidence; and it is not unscriptural, nor presumptuous, resting on the eternal, immutable love of God, to say, “I shall never be moved.” Let us then be found in the Lord’s ways, though they may be rough at times, and painful to flesh and blood; let us be found fighting rather than parleying with the enemy. It is more honorable, though we should fall, to have the sword in hand, than to be signing the preliminaries of peace with the enemy; and it will save much anxiety of mind to keep continually upon the watch-tower of Allprayer, thus to mark the enemy’s approach, and be prepared for his reception, rather than to attack him when he has gained the outposts of the kingdom. If I may be allowed the simile, ‘Thoughts are the suburbs of the soul;” if we suffer them to be the prisoners of Satan, he advances easily to the next post, Desire; if not repelled here, he knows how to secret himself in ambush, in the post of Opportunity; and, at length, to spring the mine that shall give a decisive action, and cause us, if not to make a surrender, at least a cowardly and shameful retreat. We cannot too strongly guard our thoughts: (“I hate vain thoughts”, said David) —the outposts of a kingdom are generally most fortified; when an enemy gets possession of these, he advances with little difficulty to its centre. Hence, we should not resist evil only, but likewise the appearance of evil, recollecting, that though the shadow of a sword cannot hurt, it is the representation of what can; and that if we are pursued by the one, we may be assured that the other is at no great distance.

Many of God’s people lament the badness of their memory; and yet, after all, an heartmemory is better than a mere head-memory. Better to carry away a little of the life of God in. our souls, than to repeat every word of the sermon we have heard.

Saints are not always so meek as they ought to be: “God shall smite thee, thou whited wall,” said the apostle to the high priest. But as they draw nearer to heaven, their tempers are generally more heavenly: “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge,” said dying Stephen.

Do you ask, why were God’s people elected to salvation? Why were they redeemed, why justified, called, preserved, and sanctified? Or why they shall all be glorified? That passage of St. John is an answer to every one of these questions—”God is love.”

The higher a bird flies the more out of danger he is; and the higher a christian soars above the world the safer are his comforts.

In prayer, it is better to have a heart without words, than words without a heart.

Such is the omnipotency of our God, that he can and doth make, to his elect, sour sweet and misery felicity.

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