CONFESSIONS

O Lord, I yield myself to the clear radiance and full discovery of thy word, to be convinced by it of sin. I know, with infallible certainty, that I have sinned ever since I could discern between good and evil — in thought, word, and deed; in every period, condition, and relation of life; every day, against every commandment.

Thy dread Majesty I have not reverenced; thy sovereign authority, and absolute right over me I have not kept in mind: I have set no value upon communion with thee; my heart has been alienated from thee, my will bent against thee, and I have lived inordinately to myself, seeking only my own ease in worldly things, and neglecting my portion in thee.

I am in danger of losing two of the most precious things in the world, God’s favour, and my own soul; and yet at ease. It is the desperateness of my distemper that I am at ease.

I am lying under the curse of a disobedient, passionate will. What pleases God does not please me, but often vexes, frets, hurts me, harrows up my soul.

O when shall I feel the plague of sin, and long for a deliverance from it, as I would from a sore disease of my body!

Sin is still here, deep in the centre of my heart, and twisted about every fibre of it. Does my deliverance consist chiefly in the removal of it from my heart, or in the remission which is in Christ?

Is sin such a plague and burden to me, that I should think myself undone if there were no God to hear and answer my prayers for deliverance from it?

Who was it that said, “I will not sin against my God?” Who can say less? Why do not I say it?

All I have been doing in religion; the opinions I have taken up; the appearance of it I have put on; my seeming zeal for it — have too often been nothing but a contrivance to keep the Spirit’s fire out of my heart, and give some kind of ease to my mind and conscience, without coming to the true point, namely, pure conformity to the will of God, with a total denial of self.

My great controversy is with myself; and I am resolved to have none with others, till I have put things upon a better footing at home.

What will the next hour do for me that this cannot?

Past sin I see, and lament; but not present sin, though struggling against it; or not in all its guilt, and as I shall see it hereafter.

Go, sin, (and, O Lord, do thou speak it this day with my heart!) go for ever, thou rebel to God, thou crucifier of Christ, thou griever of the Spirit, thou curse of the earth, thou poison in my blood, thou plague of my soul, and bane of all my happiness!

I content myself with telling God that I want his graces, and yet can bear well enough to be without them.

If I love God, I must love him for his holiness, and how then can I love sin? Nevertheless, I have full conviction in myself, that I do not hate it as I ought.

Where have I not sinned? The reason is evident, I carry myself about with me.

I would have joy of Christ, and take possession of his benefits, without his heart, without entering into his views, or taking part in his labours.

In bondage of distress and grief
To God I cried and sought relief;
In wondrous love He heard my plea
And set my soul at liberty.

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