Having Family Visitation (9)

This is a matter of considerable importance. To have ambassadors of Christ coming for family visitation, it is necessary for the congregation to realize in whose Name and service the office-bearers come to visit. In social and political circles authority has dwindled. This has also affected the church. Has not the office of elders and deacons fallen into disrespect? Do we not miss the realization that the office-bearers come in the name of Jesus Christ and not in their own name? It is not superfluous to point out again that office-bearers should be held in honor because of their office, not their persons. Paul exhorts, “And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labour among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake” (1 Thes. 5:12-13).

The form of ordination of officebearers clearly states that obedience among the members of the congregation toward their consistory is blessed by God in their home life. But often there is criticism in the home and this hinders an effectual family visitation. Where there is love to the Lord and the church, it will also manifest itself in love to the office-bearers. Be patient with their faults and shortcomings, and pray much for them, especially before family visitation.

That the authority of the office-bearers is breaking down, is not just a theoretical thought. This shows in the way the members of the church react when family visitation is announced. If a respected person of high standing would visit us at a certain day, would we dare to find all sorts of excuses and not do everything possible to accommodate this person? Then how about a visit from servants of the King of kings? Sometimes elders have to try several families before finding a family where the visit is convenient. All sorts of reasons are given to make it clear that a visit that evening is not possible. There are, of course, legitimate reasons such as illness or the absence of one or more members of the family, but those are exceptions. If there is a reverence for the offices and a consciousness of their task, we are prepared at the appointed evening to bid them a warm welcome. It is helpful to announce the dates as early as possible and not one or two days ahead of time.

The core of the matter is an awareness of the office. We must not lose sight of this. The different facets of the service of the Lord are tied together. If the preaching has no meaning for us and is only the word of a man, and if we only go to church because of a feeling of duty, it is easy to let our own interests come first and have no time or desire for family visitation. In this respect, we must anxiously ask ourselves this question: Is it thus with us, where the Lord Jesus speaks about, “Whosoever shall not receive you” (Matt. 10:14)?

Another close connection with this matter is to prefer one office-bearer over another. “Who will be coming tonight?” I don’t mean to say that all office-bearers are alike. One has more talents and tact than another. It is easier to speak to one than the other, and a deacon is of no less importance on family visitation than an elder or minister. In spite of all their differences, they are all servants of Christ. They all have the same work to perform and come in the name of the same King. This is often forgotten, and many speak openly about their likes and dislikes of certain persons. This should not be so, and we should not pay attention to it.

When the appointment is made and we know the time and date we will have family visitation, we should speak about it to our family, speak about what will transpire that evening, that servants of the King are coming with questions about the preaching, that we must give an honest answer as to what our life is and that we must all work together to give them our confidence. As parents we must be an example. Point out the necessity that we all should personally bow our knees to ask the Lord for His care and direction. Children must also pray, and at the table the priest of the house must ask in his prayer for the Lord to be with them. Also pray for the office-bearers who have such a serious and difficult responsibility. There can be much criticism of office-bearers and family visitation, but isn’t the main problem that in general there is not enough prayer? The Lord says, “Pray without ceasing.” Make all your requests known with prayers, pleading, and thanksgiving.

Never forget, the devil knows better than we do that we are going to have family visitation. It has happened to me that I came to closed doors. Later I found out that the family had forgotten. But the devil doesn’t forget. He is always ready to ruin and destroy. He can fill our heart with bitterness, anger, and arguments. He can also influence us to keep silent or to think, “Now I have an opportunity to really tell them the truth,” or, “They are not going to tell me anything,” or, “I am unconverted, and therefore I may not speak about spiritual matters.” We are not striving against flesh and blood, for as in the administration of Word and sacrament, so likewise, family visitation is often attacked by the power of darkness, and we do not always realize that the devil can also come as an angel of light. It is evident, if we would but realize it, that the devil also preys on the office-bearers’ infirmities and not on the value of their duties. God’s Word tells us to resist the devil and he will flee from us.

When visitation begins, everyone must work to make it profitable. Do not try to sabotage the conversation if it is about spiritual realities. You are well aware as to how you sit under the preaching. You don’t have to deviate from reality. It is difficult for many people to speak about personal feelings, but for the most reclusive characters it is not impossible. Try to express yourself. If you did not understand a sermon, if it was read too fast, or if it did not penetrate because of the hardness of your heart, say so. If under a particular sermon you could listen well because your whole life was explained, and you thought the minister knew all about you, then an hour is not long enough, especially if there are several persons present. Everyone has his own experiences under the preaching. For some, not one word makes an impression; for another, it was precious.

Most households have visitation once a year, and there are fifty-two Sundays in a year. Isn’t there then enough to speak about? There is enough, but is there a desire? Once I went on family visitation and a woman came with a piece of paper. She said, “I am so forgetful that I wrote some things down.” Maybe this will give you something to think about.

Also in respect to the administration of the Lord’s Supper, it is so easily presumed that it has no meaning for the unconverted, but that is an error. A preparatory sermon is always preached, and if we remain seated when there is communion, then our actions are a response. And do you always feel comfortable with this? Talk about this too. It can be so dark in the life of God’s children that they deny the precious name of the Master. Should we not talk about this? Perhaps you will say, “But my husband or wife is present, and what will the children think?” In the first place, there should be an openness between husband and wife, and they should know about each other’s spiritual life. Concerning the children, it is beneficial, no matter how young they are, to know of the strife and struggles, light and darkness, in the hearts and lives of their parents. It is a blessing if we may be honest with each other and speak together of the things that go on in our hearts. The same is true for the children. It is good to get to know each other. It happens so seldom that families talk together of spiritual matters. Especially children going into the teen years feel awkward about family visitation. A simple question about school or homework brings only a timid smile. They look at each other with questioning eyes: “How will this end? Will they ask us more?”

Sometimes parents answer before the children have a chance to speak. This is not right. Children and young people have their own, unique way of digesting the church services. The Lord often works in young hearts, even if it is not always recognized. Young people are very sensitive to impressions of death and eternity. Many of God’s children can speak about impressions the Lord gave them when they were young. Also in relation to the Lord’s Supper, many young hearts can feel a jealousy for the happiness of God’s people. When we think about these things, we determine the value of them by our own experiences.

The Lord often works in young hearts, even if it is not always recognized. Many of God’s children can speak about impressions the Lord gave them when they were young.

It could be that you fully agree that this is the way it should go, but your experiences are different. You could not say one word, you were misunderstood, you were not accepted, the children were forgotten, the officebearers talked all evening, it was all nothing, you dread family visitation and the whole business means nothing anymore, and the young people agree. I believe many feel and talk this way, but do we expect improvement only from the side of the office-bearers? Begin with yourself and give your trust and love. Try to use the given directions we have tried to bring to light on how it should be and how it really is. The goal and essence of what family visitation really is about is that we all have the responsibility to build upon this with an eye towards the well-being of the congregation. You, with your family, are a member of the whole, and also you and your family have to work together for the spiritual growth and prosperity of the congregation. When we as parents give of ourselves, our children will more or less gradually follow this path. The love and closeness in the family circle will be strengthened by it. And as the family visitation comes to an end you will also be brought before the Lord in the closing prayer. Such a prayer will bring home the solemnity of the visit to the children and teens who are present. When we may so work together to build the congregation, family visitation will have its fruits, as it says in Isaiah 55:10, “For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater.”

It may seem impossible to you, but what is impossible with men is possible with God. Often we expect so little from the Lord. Much of the time we look to our own inability, and this makes us weak, inactive, discouraged, and often careless. But those that trust in the Lord shall have their strength renewed. A cause begun is already half finished. Perhaps you say, “I have tried several times and each time it was a failure.” Well, try it again and expect it only from the Lord. Too often we think, “We’ll see how it goes,” but that is not the way it should be.

There can be circumstances regarding office-bearers that close people’s mouths, but this also can be addressed. We must be honest with one another. We must arise and build, and God from heaven shall bless us.

Rev. H. Hofman is pastor of the Netherlands Reformed congregation of Chilliwack, British Columbia.

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