Understanding Each Other (18)

Rev. R Van Ruitenburg, Chilliwack, BC

Obedient women

Most of us recognize the image of the woman who “wears the pants” at home. The strange thing is that these women usually do not appreciate being looked upon in such a way, and they readily deny it. It doesn’t feel proper for a wife to dominate over her husband. Is it possible that it is because it goes against the order of Creation?

Dominant women

In and of itself it is not wrong for a woman to have a natural predominance; it can have advantages. For example, with natural domination mothers have a good command over their children. It is more difficult, however, when the husbands are much less dominant or even very passive. There’s a great possibility when this is the case that the wife has become more dominant and the husband less forceful over the course of years. Quite often these differences become greater with time. To survive with a dominant wife, the husband thinks that it is better to follow, and the wife thinks that in order to keep functioning, she must take the lead position. In this way the difference between the spouses becomes greater. He takes on a weaker position and she a much stronger position. This may not be so bad if the wife has a good influence upon her husband and knows how to stand up for herself, but it can easily cause tension. It just isn’t proper for the woman to be more dominant than the man, and quite possibly she abhors it just as much as her husband. The husband in turn finds that it does not fit his position to take such a humble place and probably dislikes it just as much as his wife but thinks that this is the only way that he can keep peace in the family.

The driver’s seat

Think about handling a car, in this case, the family car. I would say that the man should take the driver’s position in the family and steer the car. His wife sits beside him and may be allowed to help find the way, but the man drives and has the final responsibility. Women must not desire to sit in the driver’s seat of the family car.

Refuse to take that position and encourage your husband to drive. The more criticism you have on the fact that he doesn’t steer, the more uncertain he becomes and the less desire he has to take the leading. So allow him to be more dominant; you must do things differently. Have you ever thought to praise him because he has good insight, reacts calmly when difficulties occur, and doesn’t get angry easily? This type of compliment—it must naturally not be feigned—works much better than criticism. Tell him lovingly that you do not want to drive, that he can do it, and that you find it delightful when he is the head of the family. Give him a chance to be the leader of the family.

As unto the Lord

Paul writes positively about the position of the man and of the woman but never in a superficial manner. He binds practical directions with deep spiritual matters. Here also, women must be submissive to their husbands as they must be unto the Lord. When God has made us to be submissive unto Him, we will know better our place as man and woman. Whoever has the Holy Spirit in his heart keeps on changing his whole life. The old nature is being mortified, and there is a longing to live as God wills it.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith” (Galatians 5:22).

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