Understanding Each Other (39)

Rev. P. Van Ruitenburg, Chilliwack, BC

A stranger will they not follow

“And when He putteth forth His own sheep, Hegoeth before them, and the sheep follow Him: for they know His voice. And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers” (John 10:4&5).

Educating children may be compared to being a shepherd. Sheep will not follow a stranger. That is exactly the same way that children react to parents; a stranger they will not follow, and therefore it is essential that parents should be close to their children. The stronger the ties children have with their parents, the more influence parents have over them. Children who feel that they have a strong bond with their parents have more desire to follow them and to listen to their advice than children who stand at a distance from their parents. Alas, it happens all too often that parents are almost like strangers to their children; therefore, it is no wonder then that children tell their parents very little and soon go their own way.

Trusted

Naturally, parents have a great advantage over others. As parents you normally have more influence over your children than grandparents and other family members, even much more than teachers and other role models, and certainly a great deal more influence than friends. When they become older, however, children form their own opinions, and it becomes ever more important for most of them to be accepted by their friends. It is for this reason that we must have better contact with our children than they do with their friends. We may not lose our influence over our children, but we must try, as parents, to be the closest person for them. We must be parents who have all the time for them, who love them unconditionally, and in whom they can trust unconditionally.

Dependent

In a certain sense we must give our children more room to grow up when they become older, but emotionally we should hold onto them. It is good to remain interested in where they spend their time by continuing to show real interest in their work and studies and by radiating warmth and continuing to communicate with them. We must do everything possible to keep open the avenue of communication, to be a sounding board for them, and to provide them a place where they can have a good cry if that becomes necessary. It means much to them when we ask questions such as: “How do you feel, son?” and “Have you had a good day?”

Begin early and continue

The first years in the life of a child are very important. Children who very early in life are sent hither and thither often have difficulty in giving of themselves and in bonding with their parents. Having them on your lap, holding them close, talking, and playing with them are all indispensable. (Think about the shepherd with his familiar voice.) It is essential to strengthen the bond with your children and to hold on to it. Parents should slacken the rope, but they should also firmly hold to the line. Continual interest in their children’s lives and activities does them good; a pat on their head, a look into their room, and inviting them to join you in an activity are all ways in which you can continue to strengthen the bond from your side. Don’t wait until they come and ask you to play a game or to participate in one of their activities. Take the initiative yourself. It is a present to them! In short, we must create a visible, loving, and desirable atmosphere.

Whoever cultivates such a good bond has more natural authority, and that can be beneficial when, for example, your children begin dating someone who is not a good choice. The better the bond is at home, the more difficult it is for them to hurt their parents. To be a good shepherd also means to stipulate clear guidelines. To be a warm parent does not mean that they can walk all over you or that you never practice discipline. The following text words from Ezekiel 34:2 refer to the kings of Israel, but they also contain a lesson for parents: “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel, prophesy, and say unto them, thus saith the Lord God unto the shepherds; Woe be to the shepherds of Israel that do feed themselves! Should not the shepherds feed the flocks?”

Christ

Now we come to the nucleus of the text words above this chapter. Has Christ become the good Shepherd for us, and have we become familiar with His voice? It is a distinguishing mark of a sheep to follow the shepherd and listen to his voice. God’s Word talks about “walking humbly with God” (Micah 6:8), and a rhymed psalm says, “The man that fears the Lord, God’s way shall understand.” Have we received such a relationship with the Lord? Do we meet Him in His Word and by the Spirit, or will we one day hear, “I never knew you” (Matthew 7:23)?

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